My brother, Ryan, and I decided at the last minute tonight to catch a showing of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows, Part 1. As it was not properly planned, the only theater showing the movie at a time convenient for us was one that is known for exceptionally cheap tickets - that’s the only way they can get people to trek that far into the ghetto.
The theater was maybe half full and the previews were wrapping up as we took our seats. The first big event of the movie and we hear “Is that in the book?” in a plain-as-day voice coming from behind us. A few minutes later it was “Hey, what did he say?” in the same everyday conversational volume. When there was a joke, the guy behind us would laugh and then repeat the punchline just to make sure we all caught it. This happened for all 150 minutes of the film.
His counterpart, Smacky McGee, would answer the questions in a whisper obviously aware of the dude’s lack of manners but she was equally as bad, just in another way. Between the popcorn, Twizzlers, and beverage, it was a crunching, smacking, slurping, gulping good time.
It’s like a match made in heaven, really: Sir Talks A Lot and Lady Smackerson. Between the two of them, it’s enough to drive even Mother Teresa to drink. And their kids, Can’t Sit Still Carrie and Too Much Sugar Tabby, might just make Super Nanny twitch. These kids were given free reign over the theater: running up and down the stairs, talking just like their daddy (“Um, Daddy, I’m out of Skittles. I need more. No, I need more now!” “Hey, Carrie, do you like the red ones more than the green ones?” “Daddy, I need your phone so I can shine light on the Skittles and see what color they are.”), and dropping roughly $8.00 in pennies on the cement floor.
When we got out of the movie, Ryan and I immediately started ranting about the annoying family. That conversation carried us all the way to my car (which to my surprise was not on blocks) and then another 15 minutes on the drive home.
Honestly, though, how can people be so oblivious, ignorant, or just plain rude as to not notice or care about their horribly bad social habits? You can hear yourself chew, so what makes you think other people can’t? How can you be 40-something and not know to shut your mouth in a movie? What on earth makes you think your kids are invisible to everyone else?
It’s people like this who are responsible for the degradation of our culture when it comes to manners. Those too selfish to extend common courtesies to others deserve far more than this humble blog could ever offer.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you’re one of those people, yes you are. The fact that you have to think about it indicates that you need a clue more than Joe "Big F*#@ing Deal" Biden.
[This concludes the activation of the Emergency Soapbox Broadcasting System. We now resume whatever it is you were doing before.]